dkpw – Wicked Fire

I watched a programme on BBC2 recently about some kindly old soul, who when out with his metal detector found a solid gold, Bronze-age cup valued at £270,000 – in a field – in the middle of nowhere. By law he had to offer it to the British Museum. They of course had no funds – nobody having thought ahead to set aside money to purchase newly found treasure, which statute dictates has to be offered to them first. Museums are not naturally in the business of obtaining treasure or setting aside funds to do so.

So the programme’s presenter trawled round the quangos, NGOs, trusts etc. on a begging expedition to find two hundred and seventy big ones. Two hundred and seventy big ones to purchase the treasure “for the nation” – like the ‘nation” cares.

She begins by meeting Tarquin Ole-Fruit-Tin-Biscuit-Barrel-Throat-Warbler-Mangrove pronounced Smythe. Tarquin is the Director of the National Heritage Trust and is in the ever so lucky position of having a cool £40,000 grant from the public purse close to hand. This is set aside with the specific intent of acquiring newly discovered treasures. A different and somehow better policy than the British Museum‘s.

Unfortunately, by the rules of his trust, the National Heritage Trust, Tarquin is prevented from releasing funds for the golden cup. The reason was not explained.

So off the reporter goes. She visits other members of the great and the good, those in charge of spending large amounts of our money. She even obtains additional contributions towards the total. It’s wonderful what the promise of being “on the telly“ and sticking a camera in front of a minor public functionary can achieve.

She meets the next committee chairman.

Surprise! Surprise! It‘s our good friend Tarquin Ole-Fruit-Tin-Biscuit-Barrel-Throat-Warbler-Mangrove pronounced Smythe. Tarquin is not only Director of the National Heritage Trust but also Director of the National Trust for Ancient Heritage. In his capacity as the Director of the National Trust for Ancient Heritage, but not in his capacity as Director of the National Heritage Trust, Tarquin has a grant available for the acquisition of newly discovered treasures. This time the cup scores £40,000. Nice.

Only in the UK could Tarquin Ole-Fruit-Tin-Biscuit-Barrel-Throat-Warbler-Mangrove pronounced Smythe, be in charge of two quangoes, set up to do the same thing and when approached with the same request offer different conclusions.

We’re fucked.

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.