dkpw – Wicked Fire

God is dead, well at least on Twitter.

News in that the Pope’s visit to Scotland will not only cause massive disruption to Edinburgh and Glasgow but that the security bill alone will reach £10,000,000.

Allegedly one of  the Pope’s themes is the fight against poverty. Do you smell hypocrisy? I do.

Why just not come and save all that money, instead of adding to the age of Tory austerity and adversely affecting the poor and disadvantaged. If he does have to come to spread his intolerant, bigoted and frankly ludicrous religious beliefs, he should pay for all the costs from his own not inconsiderable funds.

As part of my new regime, I’ve bought a couple of audio books to listen to when pounding out the miles. I’ve just finished Pride and Prejudice, which was beautifully read by Lindsay Duncan. The recording was unabridged and lasted about five weeks, so was excellent value.

I’ve bought a couple more for the weeks ahead, Emma read by Wanda McCaddon. I very nearly went for the same novel read by the lovely and normally, very well spoken Jenny Agutter. Sadly the sample clips revealed that she was reading at too great a speed and with little differentiation between the characters. Such a shame as an Agutter – Austen combination would be a perfect fit in so many peoples’ minds.

My other book is a perfect fit – The Hitch-hikers’ Guide to the Galaxy read by the splendid Mr. Stephen Fry. He was friends with Douglas Adams, and shared much in common; wit, secularism and a love of all things Apple. It’s therefore highly appropriate that he is reading his friend’s work, and he does it so well.  The laconic, sardonic humour is perfectly expressed by SF – so much so that I’ve caught myself laughing out load as I troll round Inverleith Park of an evening.

This can cause trouble, as I’ve had some strange looks as I’ve either laughed out loud or stupidly stifled a smile, only for it to become a smirk, when approaching wheezing, misshapen, lumpen female joggers. Clearly they think I, Adonis like, am laughing at them. I’m not but I’m sure it will get me a a kicking one evening.

In case you  have not read, or re-read THHGTTG recently, I thought I would share this atheistic display of wit and logic from the guide about the Babel fish:

“Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mindboggingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as the final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God. The argument goes something like this:

`I refuse to prove that I exist, says God, `for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.’

`But,’ says Man, `The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn’t it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don’t. QED.’

`Oh dear,’ says God, `I hadn’t thought of that,’ and promptly vanished in a puff of logic.”

Oh, that was easy,’ says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.

Please see any of Richard Dawkins’ books, but particularly the Blind Watchmaker, for a more complete, if slightly less witty refutation of the argument for “Intelligent Design.”

Good news – Christ’s second coming will not be in that historical trouble spot, Jerusalem or any where else dusty, hot or “foreign.” No it will be in America, specifically Washington, mid-way between the Capitol and the US Supreme Court. As a sign that the US and Jesus have a “special relationship” he’ll not be burdened by anything so heavy or awkward as a copy of the bible or the commandments carved in stone. No he’ll be carrying a copy of the US constitution. Don’t believe me? Here’s the proof.

Click to zoom in and see the true awfulness of this “art.” Better yet have a look at the painter’s web site where he describes in detail some of the Americans gathered to witness this miraculous event. If you’re a journalist, unmarried and pregnant, work in Hollywood, a politician, a Supreme Court Judge or a professor who subscribes to the theory of evolution, don’t expect to be appreciated in this painting. You’re all lumped in the bottom right hand corner with Satan or is it The Emperor from Star Wars?

This is what happens when you expel your religious nutters and let them found their own country.

Why would the faithful spend all their lives praying and behaving “morally” with the hope of an immortal life in eternity, when most of them are bored and don’t know what to do with themselves after a couple of hours on a wet Sunday afternoon?

How utterly narrow minded and tedious.

In an orgy of anti-religious feeling, I’m delighted to report that my copy of Religulous has arrived. I’ve seen some clips featuring Mr. Bill Maher rip the piss out of various religious types and I’m looking forward to soiling myself laughing at their errant nonsense.

A review is sure to follow.

The happiest memory of my recent visit to London? Defacing the Gideon bible in my hotel room.

I particularly enjoyed scrawling over Genesis having read this twaddle:

And God said, “Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.” And God created great whales and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind; and God saw that it was good. And God blessed them, saying, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply on the earth.” And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.

Hang on – what about the dinosaurs? Didn’t birds evolve from dinosaurs? Why is there no mention of them in this creation myth? Ah yes, the operative word is “myth.”

Genesis can’t even get the “story” straight with itself.

The above twaddle is Genesis chapter 1. This is chapter 2.

And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air, and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them; and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found a helper meet for him.

Okay which came first, Adam or the animals and birds? Well the obvious answer is the dinosaurs.

I’m providing future readers of that book with either a dialectic or some light relief, depending on their point of view. Much like Creation Museum.

The state-of-the-art 70,000 square foot museum brings the pages of the Bible to life, casting its characters and animals in dynamic form and placing them in familiar settings. Adam and Eve live in the Garden of Eden. Children play and dinosaurs roam near Eden’s Rivers. The serpent coils cunningly in the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Majestic murals, great masterpieces brimming with pulsating colors and details, provide a backdrop for many of the settings.

What the fuck! These guys can’t really be Christians, they mention the dinosaurs. Genesis doesn’t mention the dinosaurs! Apostates! Heretics! Burn them! Crucify them! Fucking splitters!

These people are seriously deranged. Witness if you will the fact they believe that dinosaurs co-habited the planet with humans. The fossil and geological record places the extinction of most dinosaurs 65 million years ago, during the Cretaceous period, while the genus homo did not evolve until about 2 million years ago with homo sapiens emerging possibly only 100,000 years ago.  That puts them out by 62,900,000 years, give or take a millennium.

Would you Adam and Eve it?